1977

Does anyone really know what they are doing? Does anyone have a life plan that seems to be totally predictable and fulfilling at the same time? If you do please call me and tell me how you came to this conclusion. Oh I'm not saying that it cannot be done but it is amazing to me that things have not proceeded in my life as I thought they would. Things seemed simpler (sometimes even better) in 1977, I was 5 then. You see I used to think that as I got older I would accumulate vast amounts of knowledge, gain indepth relational isinght, and traverse the unsearchable wisdom that comes from maturity. I'm 34 now certainly not old (at least I don't feel old). I could be at middle age I guess or even past it for that matter, I guess I won't really know until I die, when middle age is for me. I know this may be a little disconcerting to many of you out there who live in such supreme confidence in the world around you. I guess as I watch the world and observe and live I realize everyday even more than the last that I cannot really predict anything or hold anything too tightly. My son turns 5 years old tomorrow, I think he turned 1 yesterday, it sure feels that way. As I look at him and think about the things I want to say to him and want him to live out in his life my mind does not turn to finances, social skills, or even morality, though all of those things are certainly important. No, I believe if I could simply transfer something from me to him and know for sure that he would get it I think it would be to forget about figuring it all out, you can't. Don't spend your days trying to lay out your future and make it what you want it to be. First of all control and predictability is an illusion or at best relative. And not only that how do you know that if you were in control the outcome would be all together better than if someone else was in control? I think I am beginning to understand that the road less traveled is a little scary and uncertain that is why it is less traveled. But it holds treasures unkown to those on the other roads. Dive, run, explore, yell, jump, fly and do not allow the volume of your 5 year old heart to be turned down so as not to offend or stir those on the other road, I am in the process of trying to turn mine back up again, back to the level it was in 1977.